I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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