Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
