Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
