I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
this boner is exhausting
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think your dad took our porno
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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