just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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