Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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