hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
