I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
