I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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