Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
