i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize