Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
