The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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