i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
