through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
