The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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