is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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