The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
