I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
