I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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