Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
