dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
