this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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