wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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