I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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