i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
