Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
