whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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