so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
