shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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