Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
