fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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