I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
