you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
