Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
