he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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