There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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