Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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