The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
