he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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