im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
