I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Randomize
