Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We just shotgunned beers for America
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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