You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
