I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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