It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
