I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
