i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
