im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You work out of a Hotel?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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