Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
