Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
