her vagine was all disorganized.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
