She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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