Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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