dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize