I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
