you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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