Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
