I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
