So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
being pregnant is like rehab
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
