You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I can't turn off my feet"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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