its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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