Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
They have beer where we have blood.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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