i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
