When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
