Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
