Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
