i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
