keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
